Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
