I wish I could punch you in the face.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
