fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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