There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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