my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
