I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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