and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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