please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
