"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
