He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think my moral compass just broke
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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