Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
