Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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