i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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