Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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