so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
