So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
