I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
