don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
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That reminds me...we need to get swords
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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