Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
