there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
