if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
