There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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