batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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