I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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