I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
