Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
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The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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