She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
