girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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