So drunk its hurt
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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