I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
