so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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