Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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