Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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