Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
