Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
