i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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