I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
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I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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