i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
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Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.