Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist