I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!