Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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