why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
