I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
