Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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