ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
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No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
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Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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