There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
