haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
