I can tuck mytits in my pants
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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