You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
