Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
