I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
