I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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