I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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