when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He? As in you personified your dick?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
