I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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