You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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