I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
