I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
