I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
