His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
