Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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