I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
