those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I got inside last night via doggy door
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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