It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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