look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
