I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
