i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
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I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize