"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
