So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i've created a new STD.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
