There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
