Redeem this text for a blowjob
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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