The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
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i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
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we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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